francine@francineronis.com
Mindful Parenting with Francine Ronis, LPC, 571-213-9215, Last weekend was particularly challenging for me. It was filled with yelling, doors slamming, and crying... and that was just my reaction! My five-year-old was even more overwhelmed. While this chaos isn’t typical in our home, I do have my moments. You’d think that as a Holistic Psychotherapist with ten years of experience teaching young children, I would have mastered the art of parenting. And I do, most of the time. However, there are moments when I hear my mother’s voice echoing in my words, sounding less kind and nurturing than I'd prefer. I’m sure you can relate. Usually, we remain calm, understanding, loving, and patient with our children. So, what happens in those moments when emotions hijack us, leaving us questioning our parenting abilities? More importantly, how can we minimize these occurrences? What I practice and teach other parents is what I call Mindful Parenting. It's a method that is not only beneficial for children but also transformative for all kinds of relationships. I didn’t create the term; there are many insightful books on it. My approach consists of three steps. The first step is establishing a meditation practice. I know how busy moms can be, and a long meditation session might feel unrealistic. I'm not suggesting a weekend retreat in the woods or an hour-long morning routine, although those do sound lovely! Instead, consider dedicating just five to fifteen minutes each morning to focus on your breath before getting out of bed. This simple act can dramatically shift your day. Allow your mind to drift away from distractions while you set your intention for the day—it can be a small but powerful practice. When we take time to quiet our ‘monkey mind,’ we gain moments of calm and clarity. As you become accustomed to this routine, you might find yourself waking earlier to practice more or skipping your morning coffee for a few extra breaths. Meditation alters the brain chemically and physically; it can lower heart rate and blood pressure, and even boost intelligence! Monks are known for extending their lifespans through meditation. After your meditation, state your intention for the day; make it positive—something like, “Today, I will embrace calm” or “This day will be filled with love and laughter for my family.” Step two involves taking one or two deep breaths whenever you feel stressed throughout the day. If you've meditated earlier, those inhalations will help you return to that peaceful state, granting you the time to respond more thoughtfully. Step three encourages you to reflect when you feel the urge to react. Ask yourself, “Why is this situation so upsetting to me?” Often, you will find your reaction stems not from what's happening with your child—or spouse or boss—but from underlying worries such as, “Will my child struggle to make friends?” or “What will the other parents think of me?” If you’re experiencing strong feelings of disrespect or feeling overlooked (sound familiar?), it’s typically linked to past experiences. For me, it’s the feeling of being ignored. When my daughter tunes me out (which many five-year-olds tend to do), I find myself reverting to childhood feelings of neglect. By breathing and acknowledging these feelings, I can be more present with her and respond appropriately. Take some time to reflect—either in the moment or later—to recognize when you first experienced these feelings. Journaling can be an effective way to process this. As you begin to acknowledge and heal these emotions, you will find your reactions to your child are less intense when they push those buttons. Being mindful of our relationships with our children is vital because our interactions shape their lives. When we remain present and loving most of the time, our occasional slip-ups won't carry as much weight. By working to disentangle our old wounds from the triggers our children present, and taking responsibility for our actions, we pave the way to raise children who will also take ownership of their feelings and actions.